our god is an awkward god

i love the classic worship song “our god is an awesome god” by rich mullins.

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God

but lately my interactions with god have felt more awkward than awesome.

i’m currently having a small crisis of faith, due to some situational things in my life, and it’s forcing me to re-think my personal faith. some days my faith feels awkward, like all the ways i’ve learned to relate with god have slightly shifted and i can’t seem to find my footing.

some days it’s ugly, and confusing, and almost every single day i wish i was through this season of life, but i’m not yet, and so in the mean time the best i can do is learn, and grow and most importantly re-define my relationship with God.

i’m realizing that a relationship with god is complex – and that i can no longer pretend otherwise.

i’m continuing to find hope that i’m not the only one who has ever not understood god and his ways. he appears to desire a certain sense of mystery, and the stories of his people from the beginning of time, until now and almost certainly for the rest of time, will be about the mystery and wonder of god, his plan and his timing. i admire that about him – i too like a certain sense of mystery about myself, but i do wish for just a small reveal of his master plan – please just pull back the curtain a tad so that i can see some of this great wisdom, power and love.

i’m not sure what my faith will look like on the other side of this small crisis – but i am confident it will look different, and hopefully it will be less awkward.

today i find hope in n.d wilson’s words from his new book “notes from the tilt-a-whirl”

“step outside your front door and look at today’s stage. speak. god will reply. he will speak to you. he gave you senses. use them. he will parade his art. he will give you a scene, a setting for the day. he will give you conflict to overcome, opportunities for your character to grow or fail.

but do not expect him to speak in english. and do not expect him to stay on whatever topic you might choose. his attention is everywhere and no story should be easy, as every reader knows.”


2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Sean on August 13, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    wow amy- thanks for sharing this…and know that you are not alone in the pursuit of the awe and wonder of God…and what that means for our daily lives!


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